I'm still here...

ok so it has been a few months since I sat down to update this little bloggy so I will give you a short and sweet break down:

July 4th- Mike popped the question. I said HELL YES. Wedding June 23, 2012.

August 8- I went to SD to visit Mom while Mike had an interview in Pasco, WA

August 20- Mike got the job in Pasco!

LET THE MOVING BEGIN

We rented a truck to move our life, we painted the HBG apartment, took a trip to WA to rent an apartment, flew BACK to PA, packed up my Escape with the REST of our stuff and drive across the country while pulling a Uhaul and a cat.

Got to WA on Sept 9th.

Mike started his job on Sept 13th

I started my job on Sept 21st.

I was hired as an on call in the cosmetics department at Macy's. I was put into Clinique and made fast friends. Then just this week I got a promotion and got a counter manager job at Benefit Cosmetics. I LOVE it! I had no clue I would love this job as much as I do. The people are great, the job is engaging and entertaining. I get to play with makeup and make women feel beautiful.

This area of the country is strange. There is not much to do, and there are very few trees and very little arts. But the people are amazing and that is what matters.

And no, I am not doing theatre. And to be honest, I am more than ok with that. I needed to find something else inside of myself that would drive me. The last 2 years burned me out and I am not ashamed to say that so here I am at the cusp of a great career and I could not be happier.

So there we go, Mike and I are happy and we feel so blessed to have the life we do.

I will be better at updating this... since we are way over here, I should take more time to update everyone. :)

freak OUT, la freak so chic

I often go to my blog intending to write a fast paced, heart warming, funny, quirky, endearing blog post. But it never really happens that way. I also end up second guessing myself and feeling that that what I have to say is more than likely dribble and not worth the effort.

Also, in the past blogs have gotten me in trouble. I use them as they are intended, and I say what is on my mind, and then people, friends, family get mad and offended or disappointed in me. So now I find myself being censored by no one but myself. I am scared to piss people off I am scared to make people think less of me based on my feelings...it seems silly.

But I am getting to that point where I want to say F YOU! So from now on I will say what I want to say, and when I want to say it.

Right now I want to say that I think I had my first panic attack. Couldn't breathe, heart going a mile a minute. sweat, then the storm of tears? Yeah I had it all. I am really good (or so I think) at hiding the fact that i do NOT have it all figured out and I do not have it all together. I don't know WHY I feel that I always need to have it all pulled together, but I do. And right now it is biting me in the ASS.

As we are still on the search for our own little corner of the world I become more and more stressed out. I am relying on Mike to find a job then I will go where he goes. For some reason I am having a problem telling people this, I am finding it hard to tell people that for the first time in my life I am moving for love and future and not for theatre. I feel like I am cheating on theatre. And I feel like women look at me and think, "poor girl, following her man..." Cause in all honesty, that is what I would have thought 2 years ago. I know that we both have both of our best interests at heart, thus we both knew he would not pursue a job in Alabama (no offense Alabama pals!) We are trying to keep the job / life hunt to places we would like to be.

Right now that place is WI. It USED to be Minneapolis, but the job search was not fruitful, so we expanded and we are now looking at a LOVELY job in a LOVELY area of WI. They flew him out this week to interview, it went well, but he is trying to play it cool and I, well, cool is not in my vocab, neither is go with the flow. So I am freaking out. I now WANT to live in WI. I now WANT to live near some of my best friends... I do not want to redo the plans, AGAIN!

If I have to, I know I will, but right now it seems horrible and daunting and depressing.

So here I sit with high hopes but the fear of impending doom. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling useless and I hate feeling like a "typical woman".

So if anyone has any tips as to how best to chill out, without becoming an alcoholic, lemme know.

kay.

thanks.

cha cha cha changes

So Sunday is our last day with Dakota. We feel blessed that we found someone to take her that has a farm and other animals and more room for her to roam, but I still can't help but feel a sense of failure.

This is MY cat, hello her name is Dakota, she sleeps on me, she meows when I leave the room, she is mine. And I can't handle her. Man, it makes me feel like shit. I know this is the best for all involved but like said, I feel like I failed.

Also, Saturday is my last day at Gamut

Mike is interviewing for THE job tomorrow

Our road trip is in a WEEK

I have a lot on my plate, no wonder my lack of sleep.

I am so grateful for all that is happening for the good, but I am trying so hard to put the difficult into perspective.

life and birthdays.

I have not posted a post of worth recently because there is so much going on in my little life that I am so excited about that I feel like I need to keep the happenings close to my heart because I am scared to jinx any of the good stuff, I really am. But know that in this next week my life is going to change drastically on so many levels for so many different reasons.

I can say that my birthday was yesterday. Number 27. It took me 27 years to realize that I am not a huge fan of my birthday. It brings up too many bad feelings and too many buried thoughts and ideas are brought to the surface. I know that most people love celebrating the day they were brought into the world, but I don't. I just don't. I have planned many birthday celebrations for myself in an effort to keep my mind off of my emotions, but this year I didn't and my did I feel it. I am able to appreciate and love all of the people who wished me a happy birthday, around 80 wishes on facebook, I realize how lucky I am, I do, but it's hard to change 27 years worth of emotional distress quickly.

So there ya go, my birthday sucks. So from now on I will celebrate on a different day and use the 18th to feel what I need to feel.

scattered

In the last couple of days I have felt very.... limbo like. I am finally realizing that I am leaving this place. I am no longer writing everything down on my calendar at work because it doesn't affect me. And I write down EVERYTHING so it is VERY strange. I am hearing about things happening in the next month, and I think, well I can't commit to anything because I might not be here. Then I feel scattered because I want to leave this place better than when I came in. It's just a strange feeling goin on inside me. I am seeing all of these things here that I will miss desperately and it makes me sad...

Ug, I can't form sentences.

I am scattered and I feel out of sorts (whatever that means)

Thinking about them.

Miss Sarah


TMH

JaMina

(mj)

I think I spend 75% of my time missing people. Over the past couple years the fact that I have amazing people in my life has become very apparent to me. And then the fact that most of these people are hundreds of miles away from me makes me feel.... cut off. I know that this move will hopefully bring me closer to some of my special people, but it will also take me away from special people.

The beauty of theatre is making friends all over the country, and the down fall of theatre is, making friends all over the country. You become very good at making fr

iends and you

become very good at saying goodbye to them and trying to maintain friendships over hundreds of miles.

I KNOW how lucky I am to have such special people in my life, but I also know how far away I am from them most of the time. Why can't we all live in one city? In the same building? That would be amazing!

I ADORE my friends. I ADORE the people that are in my life! I just MISS them. Sometimes so much it hurts. It's hard to always look on the bright side when the only way you interact with your special people is through faceboo

k, texts, phone calls, and skype.

Once again, PLEASE INVENT TELEPORTATION! The world is ready.

Molz

Erin and CAROL

PHILLIES!!!!

Here is a picture of my baseball boyfriend, Raul Ibanez. I love his batting stance... it is so wonderfully awkward.

I am in love with the Phillies. I love MLB. I love going to games. I love knowing the players names. I love knowing who is good and who is sucking. And I love the Philly Colors... so classic.

I would not have thought that I would become a baseball lovin girl, but I AM!

We are making this weekend FULL A PHILLIES! So needless to say I am SUPER pumped to head back to Citizens Bank Park!

LET'S GO PHILLIES!