Miss Missing

Not a day goes by where I do not miss someone.

I know that the deal with theatre is you love your art, your art gets you up every morning, your art let's you travel and see you places and meet new people. But it also takes you away from those places and those people. I feel like theatre makes you an island. a one person island. It makes you fall in love with it, then it makes you follow it to the ends of earth. It makes you open yourself up and connect yourself to other people. Then these people are pulled other places, THEIR art took them away from you. THEIR art is making them sail off on their own island.

My mom taught me to surround myself with good people, people who make ME better who make MY world brighter. Well I feel like I have collected this amazing group of people and most of them are hundreds of miles away. It stinks. It just really stinks. How am I supposed to form friendships that will turn into the friends who host dinner parties with me, the friends who will see my children grow up, and the friends who will be old and senile with me, the friends who will be by my side on my wedding? How am I supposed to form these lifelong friendships that mean something, when my art, my passion is forcing them away from me. If I had a passion for banking, I could be near ANY of them. But I don't. I have a passion for an art that isn't everywhere.... not in the way I want it to be. It's hard. Do I love my job, my profession enough to say, if these friendships are meant to be they will be?

And then please do not even get me started on family. It tugs at my heart every single day. I wish I could hop in the car and see the face of a family member anytime I wanted to. I wish I had my family there to have dinner with. I wish I could just call my mom up and say "meet you at Panera and 8." I can't do that. But I know I can't accomplish the goals I need and want to accomplish in South Dakota. But that is where my family is.... and here I am. Do I love my art enough to say, my family is my family I don't need to be within driving distance from them?

I love my profession. I do. But I am at a point in my life where this constant ache, and this constant longing and need for the people I love to be around me is not longer something I can push to the side.

so now is when I say, I am going through a quarter life crisis..... seriously.