Glee

So, a lot around me is changing and swirling and... well... changing. I know that the last post was about Lost, and this one will be about Glee. Like I said, I am an emotional creature.

The last 2 weeks of Glee they have explored the relationship of Rachel, Lea Michele and her biological mother, whom we now know is Shelby, Idina Menzel. Last week we saw that Shelby was looking for Rachel and slipped a tape of her singing I Dreamed A Dream into Rachel's baby stuff and now this week, they met, and also decided it was too hard to be together, so they will think of each other fondly from a far.

I am not going to get into the story, because frankly it is WAY to close to home. But I will say that my adoption story has been pretty well played out on Fox for the last 2 weeks. It has been hard, and enlightening to watch but it has given me a sense of "normalcy". There is so much of our story in that story line, there is so much they said that I wish I could have said. There are so many moments that I wish I had. The simple act of singing together, shared dream. So if you watch this show and think... how far FETCHED! Two actresses separated by one degree coming together in drama and talent, singing Les Mis, longing for things that are no longer graspable. Yeah, it happens. It's happening. And it hurts, every, single, day.

So if I were to give one person a hug right now, it would be her, then it would be Glee's creator Ryan Murphy.

I am an emotional creature...

I am aware that getting emotionally attached to a television show sounds pretty insane, but I do it. And so do millions of others. On Thursday I bawled like a BABY at the Grey's season finale and tonight I expect to jump out of my seat at the Lost series finale.

I become attached to the characters, I become addicted to the story, and I admire the acting. So yes, I will take any smack ya have to give me. But for the next 4 hours of my life I will be sitting on the edge of this sofa and I expect to gasp at least 15 times and say OH MY GOD at least 20 and cry at least once.

It's the end of an era..... and yeah, it kind of makes me sad. That does not make me less of a person, it just makes me emotionally involved.

SO SUE ME!

Jellicle Cats...

Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicle cats sing Jellicle chants
Jellicles old and Jellicles new
Jellicle song and Jellicle dance

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Practical cats, dramatical cats
Pragmatical cats, fanatical cats
Oratorical cats, delphioracle cats
Skeptical cats, dispeptical cats
Romantical cats, pedantical cats
Critical cats, parasitical cats
Allegorical cats, metaphorical cats
Statistical cats and mystical cats
Political cats, hypocritical cats
Clerical cats, hysterical cats
Cynical cats, rabbinical cats

So as the cat mom of 2 cats, I have learned a lot. First, not two cats are the same. Second, not all cats get along. Growing up we always had cats, we put the cats together and then eventually they ended up getting along. Even Jax, the cat Abby and I got for our mom. He was an only cat for YEARS and then I decided to get a kitten when I was in an apartment that didn't allow it, thus I had to give the cat to my mom and it was then that Jax got a friend. They were enemies for 3 days, and now they clean each other and wait for the other one to get fed so they can eat together. So I blame my history when I assumed that if you took things slow enough you could make any two cats get along. Well THESE two cats are very very different.

We took our time, we read up on HOW to get cats to like each other... we did it all by the book. They spatted a little, but not too bad. Then about 4 months ago Dakota started peeing everywhere except the litter box. We were told it was bladder crystals. Well either we were lied to or it cleared up. She no longer has crystals. But now what she DOES have is behavioral issues. Her and the other cat are NOT buddies and that lack of friendship is now causing her to spray (yea, females cats do it too WHO KNEW!!). So now, we have to keep them separated, in a one bedroom apartment. Dakota has the living room, Kory has the bedroom. And we have to spray the areas she HAS peed in with an enzyme spray and claming spray.

AND, just to make sure I am a TRUE crazy cat lady, we got Dakota a leash and harness so she can go outside and roll around in the grass and get in touch with her wild side. I guess the outdoors calms cats. sheesh.

AND we can't yell at her or scold her because that just makes her more nervous.

UGGGGGGGG!!!!! ARRRRRRGGGGG!!!!

She is a very cute cat who loves everyone, WHY is she messed up in the head?!?!

it's going to be a long time till I am willing to have a human child. This is crazy. Cats are supposed to be easy.

Death and Taxes

2 things in my life this week. Death and Taxes. AWESOME. I got a peach slip in my mailbox saying I missed the delivery of a certified letter that I HAVE to sign for from CTCB. What or WHO is CTCB? Well thank you google. CTCB is Capitol Tax Collection Bureau. AWESOME! Soooo I paid my taxes, no worries, but when I comes to PA local, state taxes... I suck! I paid the state one... like $140.00. But there are these local ones that I guess you needed to search out and then give money to? Like a school tax? Well I paid a 2008 school tax, the FULL amount when I wasn't even here 6 months. Then like 3 months after paying the 2008, the 2009 came, well then it came again, yeeeeeeeah didn't pay it. I THOUGHT I did like a few months ago, but some research shows I did not. AWESOME. So I am sure they are OUT TO GET ME and make me fork over like $200.00. I AM POOR! Gah. It's just that anything to do with taxes, especially with these new tax commercials... saying WE WILL GET YOU NON TAX PAYERS... I get scared. Who can comfort me? Mike is telling me they can't arrest me.... yet. wow, thanks babe. So tomorrow I will pick up this stupid letter and then figure it out. I may have to sell a kidney. Is anyone in the market for a kidney? Or does anyone know of a fund for mindless, penniless actors who forgot to pay a school tax (which PS is stupid... the HBG school system SUCKS! and I got INTO these stupid schools and perform for these stupid kids, how are they going to benefit from my $200.00?!)

ok enough venting. I know I have to pay it. Death and taxes. Thank you God.

May sucks.

Tuesday Mornings...

Tuesdays are my Monday's since I have Monday off. So usually Tuesday mornings are not a welcome sight. SOME Tuesdays (like this morning) we had an earlier call to prepare for Macbeth. So once again, another thing to add to the yuck that is Tuesday. So this morning Mike gets up before me and then comes into the bedroom and shakes me while saying BABE! BABE! So I pull myself outta my slumber and he then tells me the screen in the dining room was ripped open. I then start to think, someone stole something, but he continues to tell me that he can't find our kitten, Dakota. Awesome. Happy Tuesday. Oh, and last night Dakota's collar (which is the reasons she was brought back to us the FIRST time she escaped had come off and we didn't but it back on her...coool) So I couldn't stay home because like I said I had to perform in Macbeth. Thankfully Mike stayed home to continue the search. He then went to Target to get more black ink so he could post flyers. So he goes to post the first set of flyers and what does he find? Dakota! Under the steps in the next building over. Cold, wet, but alive.

Seriously! This cat is like Spiderman!!!! She is an escape artist! And she is going to give me gray hair AND ulcers!

ug.

arg.

cats.

I am not looking forward to children.

Home

This last weekend took me home to SD for my Grandpa's funeral. It wasn't totally unexpected but it was still a very hard weekend. The funeral was beautiful and was very Grandpa. So many people were there to share memories or give hugs, it was a very wonderful tribute. Every time I venture home I am amazed at the lifestyle and the people. Just sitting on a porch for 20 minutes drinking coffee on a Friday morning and not seeing another soul, is totally foreign where I now live. I am always taken aback at how many people I know in my hometown and how I can never go anywhere without running into someone I know. It is like a gift. This weekend was very hard but at the same time very renewing. My Grandpa was a "good ole boy" and his lessons will forever live in me.

So, with Grandpa in mind I came home to PA and I had a new sense of family and love, and hard work. Mike and I are still in the middle of the Minneapolis move. We have hit a couple of hurdles, like losing out on a fantastic job, and kind of being out of options for jobs for Mike. So we are committed to moving to MN, but maybe we can't be IN the city just now. Maybe Mike needs to get a great job outside of the city and get some experience and work at a great company. So we are figuring out how to bend. The most important part is that we are together. Growing up is tough. I feel like I am making decisions that will impact not only me, but Mike and our future family. It's tough, and tricky. I know that many people are going to want to give their advice and some people are just going to want to judge. We just have to stay strong and work towards the big picture.

I wish there was a road map for all of this, and I also wish I had a genie in a bottle, OR an easy button. sheeh.

a new leaf

Last week I decided to make a huge change in my life that has been a long time coming. I decided to join weight watchers. This is not something I am totally ok announcing to everyone because I feel as if it is admitting a failure. Up until now I have failed to keep myself healthy I have failed to control food and I have failed to help myself. It took me a LONG time to get to be ok with who I am and how I look. And I believe I am truly ok with myself, and thus I feel like this is the perfect time to do it. I am doin this more me, and no one else. I can't quit this, I can't stop this I can;t give up. I want to get to my goal weight for so many reasons and none of them are to be more liked. I don't want people to think I am doing this because I don't like myself. That is not it, I want to be a healthy version of me. I want to lose about 100 pounds. I know this is not going to come easy and I know this is going to take time, and I am ok with that. I just know that a year from now I want to be a TOTALLY lighter version of myself.

I am lucky because Mike is in it with me and he is totally on the boat of let's eat better.

I guess I am just really scared of failure and I am scared of self control, which I have very little of. I need to think about this as a lifestyle change. I realize that I am not one of those women who can eat anything they like and still look the same, I hate it, but I'm not.

So needless to say I am like to start a lot of journeys at once..... I like to multi task.